BULLY 4 U

Hola,

Right now, its 3:14am and I cannot sleep, no matter how hard I try, and believe me I've tossed around for a good couple of hours my lack of sleep lead to the creation of this...

 So I've been thinking alot, as I do, and reminiscing about Highschool, but not in a nostalgic sense, to be honest, thinking about my experiences in highschool makes me feel a little queasy. So this post may or may not resonate with you, the following is a collection of thoughts and memories...

Highschool, I feel is one of the most pivotal parts of your life,  in terms of cognitive development, because in a way you create the foundations for the essence of your being. Your social interactions and experiences are so different from that of primary school, you transform from pre pubescent child to gawky hormonal teenager, and experience new emotions and desires. I firmly believe that had I not gone through the experiences that I did when I was in high school, I wouldn't be the person I am today and in some ways its a great thing and in others obviously not so great. In primary school I was this confident young girl, I finished primary school as school captain, house captain, I was a library monitor, I got the Citizenship Award, I was in the choir, I'd been to nationals for athletics. I LOVED my primary school, I was friends with everyone and never really had a problem with anyone.

Then my family moved from the Inner West to the South, and shit got real..bad.  I hadn't wanted to move from a secular school to a Christian one, but my parents thought it'd be an ace idea so obviously I had no say in the matter. I remember Orientation Day and thinking, man everything is going to be sweet, after meeting some people and having a semi decent time with them, I'd also gotten into all the top classes and was eager to learn about stuff because I was your textbook nerd back then.

But then obviously shit went awry, once I started school I didn't fit in for a lot of reasons because I had never heard of brands like Roxy or Billabong, and coming from an area where there wasn't really any water, I wasn't down with the surf culture, I could barely swim. I got bullied for a long while, by some of the most popular girls and guys in my year, I had no friends, I tried sooo hard to be friends with people and they used that against me, I HATED my life, I begged my parents to let me move schools, my parents put me in therapy.

I went from a confident, bubbly girl to a withdrawn shadow of my former self,  spending recess eating l in the bathrooms between tears, keeping my head down most of the time. My sanctuary was the school library, the library Teacher Ms W was a soft spoken saint to me when I was in the early years of High School. Reading from a really young age has always been one of the things that calms me down and keeps me grounded, imagining that I was in another place other than school is probably one of the only things that kept me sane.

Shit was bad, but one day I just had enough and snapped. By this point, I'd dropped down to the intermediate levels for all classes because I wanted to fit in, and to this day I regret not just sticking it out and trying to do my best instead of succumbing to peer pressure and the need to fit in. But yeah I snapped, and decided it was time to fucking snap necks -not literally, of course- but,to basically do something about the bullshit that was my life. I started standing up for myself, and for others who were being bullied.

One of my favourite (only good) memories from high school, is when I played a prank on one of the then popular girls from my high school. Everyday my ma would pack me a water bottle with frozen water in it, and throughout the day it would slowly thaw so that by lunch time you had sweet,cool water to drink. Everyday she would fucking drink it, and I would let her because I was afraid (Of what? I couldn't even tell you now). Anyways, one day I'd had enough so I put vinegar in my water bottle, and that day I eagerly anticipated her drinking my water, she drank it and choked and it was hilarious. Needless to say, she never drank from my water bottle again.

Eventually in year 11 &12, I for some twisted reason became friends with the popular girls, the girls who once bullied me to shit, and to this day I dont know why I became friends with them. Obviously now having been friends with them for so long we do have a genuine friendship, and I love them all, but I still wonder why I chose to be friends with the girls that contributed in making my life a living hell, maybe I was being strategic by keeping friends close and enemies closer, or maybe it was sheer desperation/being eager to please. In retrospect, I'd probably say a bit of both.

I could go into waaaay more detail about my high school experiences but Im not going to, I just wish there was a way to change the way some things were. I know that because of my experiences in High School I find it hard to communicate with some people,  I can be a little defensive at times and I can be very insecure, awkward and shy if I feel people are above me, which I know no one is and sometimes when I'm out I may drink a little too much to overcome that. And  as I said before, I know that If it weren't for the way my experiences in High School, I probably wouldn't be the way I am today. But having said that, now I'm a fairly confident, proud person and I embrace being different, I no longer TRY to fit in. And yeah this is a fairly cheesy post, with the generic message BE YOURSELF. But I wholeheartedly believe that you should be yourself, fuck labels and stereotypes and all that bullshit.

Our Beautiful Universe Part 1.

Oh hai,

I'm so sorry I'm so lax with writing. I'm a little forgetful. I'd like to say I'm always out grabbing life by the balls and that's why I have no time to cruise the information highway, but I'm not as 'outdoorsy' and adventurous as I'd like to be, not to say that I'm not outdoorsy or adventurous at all, but not as much as I should be as a young, sprightly girl of 22.

Unbeknownst to a lot of people, I'm a little bit of a dreamer, I try to force myself to be a realist but a lot of the time i secretly romanticise things, and imagine how life could/would be different if things were different. I always have, and probably always will. Two things that have fascinated me since I can remember are the sky(universe) and the sea. Two things that are both so similar in some ways but completely opposite in others. They're both an enigma in a sense, so mysterious, so beautiful -each in their own way- such large expanses of space that it feels like it's almost impossible to find out the absolute truth about either. Yet everyday new discoveries are being made about both. This will probably sound a little ridiculous and lame, but every time I read about new discoveries I get sooooo excited,  as I turn the page I feel like I'm about to spontaneously combust with joy, it's probably a bit worrying how excited I do actually get, but god, i love science. It's the essence of my being in a sense, fun facts keep me going. Science gives you hope yet provides facts, it's like some weird pseudo oxymoron.

So I'm going to get my geek on, and share with you some of my favourite facts/thoughts...

THE UNIVERSE

Who hasn't lay down outside at night and looked at the stars at least once? Looking up at the sky in wonder is one of my favourite past times.The universe, and stars are something that have fascinated us since the beginning of time.  Greek Philosophers have argued over the ideas of parallel universes how the earth began.Songs have been written about the stars, galaxies and the universe ("Twinkle Twinkle Little Star How I wonder what you are"). Movies and Tv shows  such as Star Wars, Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica have been made depicting our voyages through space and time...

                                                 " The force is strong with this one"


 ...Men are supposedly from Mars, and women from Venus. Even celebrities are known as stars, shining beings high up in the sky, untouchable by common man, and revered by all..well almost all. A star is something a lot of people aspire to be it's associated with. Miss Universe is a contest where women fight to become crowned the best woman in the universe, yet it kills me that so little is known about the universe, even with apparatus like the Hubble Telescope, why would you want to be Miss Universe when you don't even know what's out there? *Cue X Files theme song.

      "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" : Stars are made up of the elements hydrogen, helium,    carbon    nitrogen, oxygen, neon, magnesium and silicon.

 

Bey Bey: A star made up of different kinds of elements - beauty, talent and ooh chil' dat a$$

Okay, so the Hubble telescope came into use in 1990. And to this day, it's one of the most amazing pieces of equipment ever invented. So many discoveries have been made since the day it was launched into space, and with it as well as other equipment. I hope that one day we can unlock the secrets of all the galaxies and universes out there, and maybe even reach alien lifeforms, if they're not already watching us.


One of my favourite discoveries to date, is the "Hubble Deep Field". Astronomers focused the telescope on the darkest patch of sky, which they thought was empty and they kept the telescope there for 10 days. They found that there were 3000 galaxies in the depths of space. It's such a beautiful thought, that there is so much out there that we don't know, but we all want to know more, a sense of curiosity is a part of the human condition after all.

Another beautiful idea is that:

Imagine another earth over 100 billion lightyears away, not knowing that we exist or imagine having a twin/doppleganger on the other earth. What would we be like? How would everything work? Would it be exactly the same? Would we even look the same? Are they more advanced than we are? Are they aliens? Are they already studying us? Would aliens be as friendly as E.T was? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!!

But I know that as of now noone can answer them, so as you ponder about the unknown so I'll leave you with this fitting tune...

Birthdays & Death

Aloha bad bishes,

This is a fairly morbid post. So it's my birthday in 2 days. But all I have on my mind for some odd reason is death.

To be honest, it's not that weird that all I have on my mind is death considering I've had a fair few near death experiences, which I personally don't feel is very health for a girl of 21, but I've always had the feeling that I was going to die young. And to appease myself at the thought of dying young I've romanticised it in a sense. I feel like it will just happen, some unjust force of nature robbing a young one of old age in some freak accident. And so I'll be forever remembered as the young, 'fun','cool'(basically the girl with alot of positive buzzwords that follow the mentioning of her name) chick. Like people would say oh yeah Tonye, she was so cool and I remember all these fun times with her before she died.

I don't know, I don't fear death itself. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm more afraid of all the things I'll miss out on. I'm not even thinking of long term things I'm thinking of things i would have done within the next five years like travelling all over the world, being in an amazingly great band, playing great gigs, meeting great people, see my family and friends be happy. I read the Lovely Bones a while back , and the ideas of death in that book still really resonate with me now, even though its been such a long time since I read it. I wonder are there different heavens depending on how you died/what you did? Would murderers/rapists/generally horrible people that did loathsome things be in a cesspit in the depths of hell filled with the ghosts of the things that they've done, constant reminders of how horrible they were in life and now doomed to eternal damnation?

 See that sounds fair to me, but then the question poses is there even an afterlife? Do we die and our bodies rot in their wooden cages, do we go to heaven as in christianity? or are we reincarnated? I feel like that's a beautiful idea coming back with a second chance as another creature/being. Or do we haunt things? One of my friends told me that she went to a friend of hers house, who's father died there and how creepy it is to be there because there's constantly a cold chill in the house as if you can feel another person there.

I like the idea of Vallhalla in Norse Mythology, going to a great hall after dying in combat and being chosen by Odin. Or even Greek mythology doing something amazing like making wine and becoming a God because of it. Eternally remembered and revered  for making/doing something amazing. I'd like to think if I were to be a Greek God I'd be the the God of making scrunchies/friendship bracelets/ or my new favourite love. Terrariums.

Aristotle my bearded dragon

Let me tell you a story,

One day I went walking at night, just because I'd decided it's time to get fit. I need to start working out, but because without my glasses im basically legally blind I couldn't really see properly. Anyways I was walking through the park and lo and behold in the corner of my eye what do I happen to come across? A bearded dragon. Or so it seemed, but as I got closer, literally about to burst with excitement because i wanted to take him home, I realised that it was in fact a bush, and that only to my non spectacled eye it could appear to be a bearded dragon.

Anyways, once I got home I made a vow to myself, by the end of this year I would have a bearded dragon named Aristotle who would be my ultimate confidante. He'd be really cute, and be able to do mad tricks and shit.And he'd be a wise philosopher, mainly because he has a beard, because he's a bearded dragon duh.

*whispers: look at him sleeping so adorable, id watch him sleep all the time because im a creep like that

When Brave Bird Saved- Laura Marling

I know Ive been a little post crazy today, which actually means not post crazy at all because this is only my second post in one day but considering how lazy I usually am I think Im doing well.
Im giving you this because I know you're probably a little vexed considering Ive been away for saaaah long so here. Im the gift that keeps on giving, and oh so modest.


This is a little film made by Laura Marling in the wake of her new album being released on the 27th May 2013. The film is inspired by and soundtracked by the album name 'Once I was an eagle'

I actually have a crippling fear of birds, so I myself cant ever picture brave bird saving anything, well i cant really imagine anything with wings saving anything because they scare me, except maybe owls because they are carnivorous but super kawaii but Laura Marling can make me a believer, ahh everything about this.

It's so pretty

ODB

So the other day, I went to my friend M's house and we discussed whilst casually seshing and watching ODB interviews on youtube that it was imperative we started an ODB appreciation group, because let's face it. The man was amazing, like yes he was a crackhead if you ever saw one,but he had alot of artistic merit plus he says a whole lot of weird shit in basically every interview he does and was the king of entertainment. Man i wish he was still around making interviews and saying inappropriate things. God rest your soul ODB, Ill pour a little liqour out for dem lost homies next time Im out or whatever.






Im still wondering if this song has anything to do with the fact that he was cashing welfare checks and collecting food stamps in a limo, whilst he was making millions.


Ahh ODB I love you..

Cos God made dirt, and dirt will bust yo ass

Zombie Apocalypse dreams

So im not going to lie, im uber superstitious and I dont even know if this comes down to superstition but i was so sure the world was going to end last year as stupid as that may sound. And im still a bit perturbed but somewhat relieved that it didnt happen. However, having said that Im almost 100 per cent certain that a Zombie Apocalypse is nigh. I dont know when it will come, I wish I could tell you that for your own safety and whatnot but I know its coming. I could whip out a billion conspiracy theories but for what? Id rather just warn you in case you know, you werent aware. I will also warn you that my inherent fear of a zombie apocalypse could come from my love of 'The walking Dead"...im pretty sure the zombies are coming though...